p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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