google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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