why didn't you poke me back
Screwed.edu
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
