Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
