What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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