allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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