My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
