just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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