i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
