Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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