I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize