i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize