Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
