drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
