I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
