i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
