as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
