I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
