Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
