Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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