We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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