I cockslap morals
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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