It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
