Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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