do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
