In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
