chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
