Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.