the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.