you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.