I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better