Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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