If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
