Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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