Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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