How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
