got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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