can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
