I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
