some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
