belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
