If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
