U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
