It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
