Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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