absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize