it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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