What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
