I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
