when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
