they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
