Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
