Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
