I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
