wakey wakey hands off snakey
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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