My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
