some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
