remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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