yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
