i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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