I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
