Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
