Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
