On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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