Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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