Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
