I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
