So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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