just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
